


Emptiness to Melody

by aceofwhump



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Fix-it, Episode: s04e13 No Better To Be Safe Than Sorry, Fix-It, Gen, Goddess Julia Wicker, Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Eliot Waugh, Injury, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Margo knocks some sense into our boys, Nightmares, Possession, Quentin Coldwater Lives, Rescue, Whump, no beta we die like men, queliot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 05:42:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18934621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofwhump/pseuds/aceofwhump
Summary: “That was the crux of it all, in the end. The reason for everything he was doing, everything he’s done for the past so many months. It was all to keep Eliot alive. He’d played along with Monster’s games, stood up to him when he was going overboard with the drugs, stood his ground when the Monster was willing to kill him over it, because if that’s what it took to save Eliot then so be it. Eliot was all that mattered.”This is my fix-it fic for the 4x13 finale. Quentin does not die and Queliot is life!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I, like many many others, felt horrible after the finale so I decided to write this fic as a way of dealing with my own feelings. Planning this out, writing how I wanted everything to go, was very cathartic for me. Every section, every word I wrote made me feel a little better. It’s become the biggest, longest fanfic I’ve ever written so please be kind. I only ever write shortish whump stuff so this kind of thing was a challenge for me. 
> 
> There was so much I wanted to fix but in the end I decided I just really needed a fic where Quentin doesn’t die and he and Eliot get together so that’s the fic I wrote. I did change some things though as I went along. Julia gets to maker her choice (aka fuck Penny for making that choice for her), the Monster’s existential crisis in the woods is addressed a little bit more, I changed the stuff with the scroll cause fuck the mirror dimension and the stupid scene with Josh and Q in the god realm. That was dumb. Instead I gave Zelda a slightly bigger role. Oh yeah and QUENTIN LIVES!!!! QUELIOT LIVES!!!
> 
> Disclaimer: this fic contains direct quotes and scenes from the episode. I do not claim ownership to them.

“Hey! Monster...lady!” Quentin called out down the dimly lit hallway of the Library. He stood determined next to Alice with one of Margo’s ice axes in hand. They’d seen Monster!Julia head into the cell where Dean Fogg was being held and Quentin shouted out before she could do anything to him. He needed her attention on him if the plan was going to work.

His shout worked and Monster!Julia strolled out into the hallway, her coat billowing out behind her like smoke. She paused and cocked her head at Quentin and Alice, smirking in amusement. Quentin stared her down. This wasn’t the first time he had seen Julia this unhinged. When she lost her Shade he saw the same kind of darkness behind her eyes. But this isn’t Julia. Just like he knew that Eliot wasn’t the one who killed those people he knew that Julia wasn’t the one standing before them ready and willing to kill them slowly. The Monster’s dark, shadowed eyes held a darkness so unlike Julia it was jarring to see. Quentin had spent months staring into the same kind of eyes in Eliot. Pure, unadulterated evil. And it was living in the two people he cared about most in this world.

“Adorable,” she said in a hollowed out version of his best friends voice as she slowly stalked down the hallway. “So determined. Maybe I’ll keep you as pets.”

Alice stepped forward and responded by blasting her into the wall several feet behind her. She hit the concrete hard and crumbled to the ground in a heap where she lay unmoving.

Quentin could feel the power of the reservoir water flowing through him. It felt like nothing he’d ever experienced before. Strong, raw power coursed through his veins and electrified his body. He could tell Alice felt it too as she stared at her hands in wonder after firing off a powerful battle magic spell.

He gripped his axe tighter and started heading towards not!Julia. He needed to move fast, get the axe in her before the power faded and they couldn’t perform the incorporate bond anymore. Before Quentin could take a single step, she was back up as though nothing had happened. She stood up and turned around slowly, the light highlighting the streak of blood across her shirt.

“Then again, I like my pets strong,” she said walking towards them both again. “And you’re weak.”

She cocked her head, moving down the hall like a predator out on the hunt. “You’re already fading aren’t you.”

She was right. Quentin could already feel the power fading. If they didn’t move on her now they might not have another chance.

Quentin raised his axe but with a flick of her wrist she sent him and Alice flying, knocking the bottle and axe out of their hands. They skidded across the floor out of their reach as he and Alice landed several feet away with a sickening thud. Quentin hit the ground hard and he groaned, momentarily stunned.

“I don’t know why my brother is so _fond_ of you,” not!Julia said to Quentin, coming closer and closer. “You’re just another weak human. Breakable. Worthless. Just like the rest of them. And you’ll die just like the rest of them.”

Quentin’s heart was pounding in his chest. They were running out of time. He struggled to his feet and quickly reached out to help Alice up. He pulled her to his feet and she stood on shaky legs, her face showing the same amount of fear he felt within himself.

Quentin eyed the bottle laying on the ground just behind Alice. He looked at Alice and nodded towards the bottle, trying to convey his message silently. Alice glanced behind her and nodded. A moment later the two of the turned and lunged for their separate items. Alice went for the bottle while he tried to grab the axe before Monster!Julia got too close.

His fingers brushed the handle just as he felt a gust of wind blow down the hall. He looked up and saw Penny, axe raised high in the air behind Monster!Julia.

_Yes!_ Quentin thought. He was gonna do it. The plan was gonna work.

But she was too quick for him. Right before Penny landed the axe in her back she pushed Penny away with a powerful blast of magic. He flew through the air and hit the ground hard.

“You’re all so pathetic. You won’t be able to defeat me. I’m stronger than-” She stopped abruptly, cut off mid sentence with her hand raised toward Penny in a gesture all to familiar to Quentin. He’d seen the Monster in Eliot use it to snap the neck of whoever bothered him.

Quentin took the chance opportunity before him and grabbed his axe again, praying he’d get to Julia before she killed Penny. She was completely frozen. Her eyes flitted around trying to figure out what had stopped her, what was preventing her from moving now.

“What...what is this? What are you doing to me?” she cried out in confusion. “No! NOO!!”

Suddenly her spine arched back in a pose straight out of the exorcism and she screamed bloody murder. Beautiful, golden rays of light exploded out of her eyes and filled the room. Once the light stopped pouring out of her, Julia’s body crashed to the ground. She laid on the ground in a silent, unmoving heap.

The light floated around the room, searching for a new host. “Alice! The bottle!” Quentin shouted, dropping the axe once more and preparing for the bond cast.

Alice unscrewed the top and pointed it towards the light. It sucked it in and she quickly closed the top again, placing the bottle on the ground and joining Quentin in the cast.

Quentin poured every last remaining remnant of the reservoir power into the incorporate bond spell. The silver cage closed around the bottle and sealed away the Monster.

Quentin left bottle in Alice’s hands and turned his attention to Julia. She was still laying on the ground, still as a corpse. Penny rushed over to her and pulled her into his lap.

“Julia! Julia are you there? Please wake up,” Penny begged, shaking her gently in his arms. Quentin fell to his knees beside them.

“Julia?” _Please no. Please don’t be gone._ He couldn’t lose her too. He couldn’t. He didn’t think he could survive losing both Eliot and Julia. She had to still be in there. She just had to be.

“We need to get her back to Brakebills,” Penny said, voiced ladened with fear and desperation.

Quentin was about to agree when Alice’s voice pulled his attention away, the urgency in it reminding him why he was here. “Q, where’s Eliot.”

Eliot. His heart seized at his name. Where was Eliot? Why weren’t the two of them together? He should be here. But as much as Quentin wanted to find Eliot right now he knew it was a bad idea. He didn’t have enough power to perform another incorporate bond and without it the Monster would get away. And so would Eliot.

He shook his head at Alice and stood up. “We don’t have enough power. We need to go back to the reservoir.”

“We have to get Julia back to Brakebills. She needs help,” Penny argued, his voice rising in volume. His arms held Julia to his chest protectively.

“No, he’s right.”

Penny and Quentin were startled by the sound of Julia’s voice. She was awake!

“Julia!” Quentin cried out as he knelt down beside her again. He placed a hand gently on her arm and he and Penny helped her sit up. Penny kept a hand on her back as she swayed slightly between them.

“We have to go the reservoir.”

“Julia, I thought we lost you.” Julia gave Penny a small smile before trying to stand up. Her legs were weak and gave out on her. She would have fallen if Penny hadn’t kept a hold of her as she rose.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. She’s gone.” Julia said once she had her legs under her.

“May I suggest we take this conversation elsewhere before the bond on that bottle breaks and the Monster kills us all,” Dean Fogg entered the hallway bringing along his ever so popular melancholic world view.

“Penny, take us to the reservoir.” Julia looked up at him with a determined stare, one that Penny couldn’t refute. They all grabbed hold of Penny and he poofed them straight to the reservoir.

Only instead of finding a shimmering sea of juiced up magical water, they found a empty crater. The water was gone.

“Well...shit,” Quentin said.

Alice turned to look at Quentin. “What do we do now?” she asked.

“We don’t know how long that bond is going to hold. We need to get to Brakebills. I have something that could help”

 

* * *

 

 

Penny 23 travelled them back to the Physical Kids Cottage as quickly as he could. As soon as their feet touched the carpeted floor of the common room Julia collapsed into Penny’s arm. She was barely awake, clearly exhausted from her traumatic, although limited, time being possessed by the Monster. Quentin reached out to help her up but Penny shooed him away.

“I got her. Go take care of the bottles.” Penny didn’t wait for a response. He just picked up Julia and carried her upstairs. Quentin wanted to follow, to make sure Julia would be okay and find out why the hell the Monster left her (maybe whatever it was they could use to help Eliot) but Alice pulled him away. The incorporate bond wouldn’t last much longer.

Quentin and Alice followed Dean Fogg to his office. He opened up a hidden panel under his desk and placed the bottle inside.

“There,” he said. “That should hopefully slow the monster down. I suggest we come up with a plan quickly. I don’t know how long this will work. Now, if you’ll excuse me” Fogg told them before departing his office.

Quentin looked at his retreating back, confused and a little ticked off. “Wait where are you going?”

“There’s something I think might help us. Go back to the cottage. I’ll return as soon as I can.” And on that note he was gone, leaving Alice and Quentin alone in the hallway. Quentin turned to Alice and just shook his head, shrugging at the Dean’s usual air of mystery. The guy could never just tell them anything. It was infuriating.

They made their way quickly back to the cottage. Alice went upstairs in search of research materials to plan out their next move, leaving Quentin alone in the room.

It was bittersweet to be back in the cottage. It always held this sense of home for Quentin. It was the place where he found purpose, friends, magic. It was home. But now...looking around him...

The absence of Eliot was felt even stronger here. Everywhere he looked he saw him. Saw him by the bar making his specialty cocktail with all the flourishes of a professional bartender, touches of magic in every flip and shake, a smile on his face the whole time. Saw him lounging on the couch with his feet on the coffee table, head in Margo’s lap, a cigarette in one hand, and a glass of whiskey in the other as he laughed with Margo at something stupid Todd had done. Saw him throw a pile of clothes on the table under the TADA sign and start frantically tossing piece by piece behind his back as he tried to pick out the perfect outfit for a night out on the town. Saw the clock that led to Fillory and the two of them stepping through it not knowing they’d live the next 50 years together.

Eliot’s presence was everywhere and Quentin’s heart ached over it.

Quentin sat down quietly on the window seat, lost in his thoughts, when he heard Margo’s voice came from the other room. When did she get here? It sounded like she was arguing with Penny and Josh, their voices growing louder as they approached the room.

Quentin wasn’t listening that closely to their argument but by the sound of Margo’s voice he could tell that her harsh words were just her expressing her sorrow that they hadn’t saved Eliot. He understood. He felt the same way. So many conflicting emotions coursed through him. He was happy that they had saved Julia but afraid that since they barely survived saving Julia if that meant they wouldn’t be able to save Eliot. He was angry that they had to leave before finding him in the Library. And guilty. He felt so guilty because all of this was his fault and there was nothing he could to stop it, to help Eliot. All the pain everyone has gone through in the last few months was his fault. He was the one who killed a god and got magic shut off. He was the one who took them to Castle Whitespire. He’s the reason the Monster had Eliot. It was his fault, all his fault.

Margo’s voice finally pulled him from his musings as the group stopped in front of him.

“You didn't save Eliot, did you? Of course you didn't. You cocked it up trying to save Julia. That bitch has a bulletproof body,” Margo shouted at Penny, tears beginning to glisten in her eyes.

“That’s not fair-,” Penny tried to interject but Margo just barrel rolled through him.

“We don't even know if Eliot's still alive.”

“Yeah, it was a shit show,” Penny shouted back. “You don't even know what the hell was going on.”

“You had one fucking job.”

“Yeah, fuck off, Margo.”

“Oooh, Jesus Herbert Walker Christ you're predictable, you know that?”

Quentin watched silently from her perch as Josh stepped in between the two of them and tried to get them to stop arguing. “Guys, please! It’s no one’s fault. We can still find and save Eliot, Margo. It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah? How the fuck are we supposed to do that when we don’t have the reservoir magic anymore, huh? That was our one shot and this dickhead fucked it up!”

“You weren’t there! You don’t know!”

“Enough!” Quentin shouted, effectively shutting down all conversations. He stood up and addressed the group, “Look we all want to get Eliot back but we can’t do that if we’re all jumping down each other’s throats. So knock it off. We need to figure out a way to build up enough power to cast the incorporate bond. Anyone have any ideas?”

Josh raised his hand cautiously, “I have an idea.”

Quentin gestured for him to go on.

“So Everett wants to be a god, right? And now he's so juiced that he can just rip the god power right out of Eliot. So why don't we just let him?”

“So let that psycho book-fondler rip the Monster out of Eliot and probably kill him? Not a chance,” Margo snarled putting her hands on her hips.

“She’s right,” Q said. “Anything where Eliot could die is off the table. We’ll have to find another way.”

That was the crux of it all, in the end. The reason for everything he was doing, everything he’s done for the past so many months. It was all to keep Eliot alive. He’d played along with Monster’s games, stood up to him when he was going overboard with the drugs, stood his ground when the Monster was willing to kill him over it, because if that’s what it took to save Eliot then so be it. Eliot was all that mattered.

“I could do it.”

Quentin turned his head towards the sound of the voice. Julia shakily descended the staircase, one hand on the railing, and faced them. “I could perform the incorporate bond. I have the power now.”

“What are you mean? You said the Monster was gone.” Penny asked, making his way over to Julia and helping her down the last few steps.

“Before, in the Library, while she still had control, I was in this room inside my head. I think it was our old apartment, Q. The Binder showed up. He told me it was time to make my choice. Human. Or Goddess. So I did. I guess a human body isn’t equipped to handle two gods at once so...”

“Wait so… are you telling us you’re a goddess again? That’s why she left your body like that?” Quentin asked.

“Yup. I don’t think I’m like full on goddess yet, my magics a little wonky but...essentially a goddess yes.”

“Well fuck. Way to go Julia,” Margo said, dumbfounded and a little impressed.

“Thanks.” Julia smiled at her. She wavered a bit as she made her way into the room and Penny reached out to steady her but she brushed him off.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I want to help. I can do it. I saw her plan, her goal. It's way worse than slaughtering the entire Library. They want to take it up with their parents, the old gods.”

“What-what does that even mean?” Quentin asked.

“I don’t know. Neither did she. She just knows it would feel good to kill them and eradicate us in some sort of insane nuclear winter which she could give negative three shits about.”

“Do they know how to get to the Old Gods?”

“They found a spell in the Library. It opens a door to their plane. My guess is the Monster in Eliot wants to find his sister, finish the plan, kill the Old Gods or get smashed to a pulp trying.”

“That means smash Eliot.” Quentin’s voice cracked. No. He was not going to let that happen. Eliot was going to be okay. He wouldn’t let the Monster hurt him. He didn’t care how he did it but he’d stop him before he let that happen.

Julia gave him a sympathetic smile, pulled a roll of parchment out of her pocket and showed it to him. “The upside to them inhabiting our bodies is she left this in my pocket. Whatever's in this is sure to unlock the door.”

Quentin stared at the scroll in shock, “Holy shit, well done.”

All of a sudden a gust of wind blasted through the room causing everyone to take a step back and shield their face.

“Shit!” Josh exclaimed, jumping out of his skin. Now standing there in the center of the room, surrounded by the Questers, was Eliot. His face was pale and there dark circles under his eyes. Blood covered his tee shirt in gruesome streaks, left over from their adventure in the Library. His eyes located Quentin and he turned to Quentin, eyes blazing.

“Where is my sister? Where is the scroll?” he demanded. “Answer me. Now.”

“Um, we-we don’t know.” Q replied, gesturing inconspicuously for Julia to hide quickly so that the Monster wouldn’t notice her. She took the hint and ducked around the staircase so she’d be completely out of sight. Penny placed himself in front of her and stared at the Monster’s back.

“Where is my sister!” Monster shouted, causing Quentin to flinch in response. He hated hearing such harsh sounds come out of Eliot. It felt wrong and further reminded him that this was not Eliot standing in front of them.

Quentin stared him down trying desperately to come up with a convincing lie when there was another gust of wind and Dean Fogg, Kady and Zelda appeared behind the Monster. The Monster turned around at the interruption of his interrogation and gave Fogg a glare.

“I don't...like you. Do I?” he said squinting at Fogg like he was trying to place the face in front of him.

“I have no idea, but I can assure you, you will hate me.” Fogg rattled off a quick series of spells. A huge blast sounded leaving behind a cloud of smoke where Eliot had stood. The Monster was gone.

“What the fuck did you just do?” Margo shouted.

“I sent him to the forest and cast a disorientation spell on him. He should be neutralized for the foreseeable future. I suggest we come up with a plan soon before the spell wears off. I believe Zelda can help with that. She has an idea of how to secure the bottles for good. Zelda?”

Zelda nodded and stepped forward at Fogg’s introduction. “Yes. There is an text in the Library that references a place called the Seam. I believe, if we can find a way to open it, we can throw the bottles in. From what I’ve read, what’s thrown in the Seam can never return. It is a one way trip. It won’t kill the Monsters but it will prevent them from causing any more trouble.”

“Great. How the fuck are we supposed to do that? We’re running out of time here people!”

Julia cautiously returned from the other room, scroll in hand, and stood next to Zelda. Zelda saw the scroll and reached out for it.

“May I see that?” she asked, hand stretched out. Julia hesitated for a moment but handed it to her. Zelda carefully unrolled the scroll and read the inscriptions. “I know this. This is the Resonant Singularity Scroll. How did you get this? This is supposed to be locked in the Poison Room?”

“The Monsters took it. They want to use it to open a portal to the Old Gods.”

Her expression grew excited, an idea forming. “That makes sense. This is a key to opening a portal. It’s possible we could use this to open the Seam. Each portal requires a different sequence of these casts to open it. If we can figure out the one that opens the Seam we can send the bottles through it.”

“That’s great. How do we find the right sequence? We don’t exactly have the time to dig through the Library forever,” Kady said.

“There’s one more problem. The scroll requires a great deal of magic. More than the ambient magic we have access to and I’m afraid we don’t have the time to convince the council for more.”

Quentin pondered the problem and turned towards Julia, “Julia, what about you? Could you do it?”

“I-I’m not sure. I know I can do the incorporate bond but I’m not sure if I’m strong enough yet to do both.”

“The Hedge Witches.” Kady said.

“Can barely tie their own shoes.” Margo interrupted

“Fuck you,” Kady spat at Margo. “And also, you're wrong. They’re a huge untapped pool. Look, they're used to crumbs and, yes, ambient is low, but you know what amplifies it? Cooperative magic. We tell everyone, and I mean all of the world, wherever there's a pipe. Fillory, even, and we all do the same thing at the same time.

“You can't get that many people to cooperate. This isn't "Sesame Street,” said Margo.

Alice stepped forward, "There are some shitty hedges, but there are enough good ones that we could pull this off, and we need them. Kady's right, this is a good idea.”

“We need a way to get the message out fast, to time it right,” Julia said.

“I've got someone who can help,” Kady said confidently.

“They'd have to keep casting the entire time so we can make sure the Seam stays open long enough to get the bottles through,” Alice said.

“They can do it.”

“Okay great. So thanks to Dean Fogg, the Monster's out there right now, confused for as long as that spell will last. 23, if you can travel us out there, we have an opportunity to surprise him. We get the Monster out of Eliot, pull him into the bottle. Julia you’ll handle the incorporate bond. Meanwhile, Alice, Kady you see if you can figure out how to open the Seam and get the Hedge Witches ready. Any questions?”

The room remained silent, no one moving a muscle.

“Alright then. Let’s go save, Eliot.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice and Quentin have a talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter today. Next one will be longer.

They had a plan now. Plans were good. Plans made Quentin feel like he’d actually succeed at getting Eliot back. Plus he had something to focus on now beside his swirling thoughts. If everything went well, the Monster would be trapped and Eliot would be back.

_ Eliot. _ His heart ached again at the thought of him.

Quentin was thinking a lot about Eliot lately. About what he said during that precious moment when he broke free.  _ “50 years. Who gets proof of concept like that.” “Peaches and Plums, motherfucker. I’m alive in here.”  _

Quentin was so caught up in the fact that Eliot was alive that he hadn’t considered what he said at the time. Sure, he probably just chose those words because it would convince Quentin that it was actually him and not the Monster but there was a small part of him that hoped, maybe, it was because they meant something else. 

Quentin couldn’t stop thinking about it. Those words ran around and around his head and he had allowed himself for a moment to hope that it meant something, that maybe Eliot cared about him too but he wasn't fooling himself. He remembered what happened the last time he put himself out there. Eliot rejected him. Eliot didn’t love him. Not like that. And that fact hurt more than he could say. 

So he decided to try again with Alice but it felt wrong. They had gotten past the anger and guilt but Quentin was beginning to realize that he didn’t feel anything romantic towards her. Not anymore. Not when he couldn’t stop thinking about Eliot. About those 50 years they had together. He could remember the feel of Eliot’s lips on his own, his hand cupped around the back of his neck, his soft voice saying his name. As soon as Eliot had said Peaches and Plums he knew his own feelings hadn’t gone anywhere. He still loved Eliot. Even if Eliot didn't I love him. And he couldn’t be with Alice when he was in love with someone else. It wouldn’t be fair to her or Eliot.

God he missed Eliot.  _ So much. _

The group had disbanded after they settled on a plan, each of them off to prepare their own part. Quentin was the last one left in the common area. He suddenly felt overwhelmingly exhausted, the emotional toll of the day (the last few days really) catching up with him in this brief moment of quiet. He plopped down on the staircase with a heavy sigh and laid his head in his hands, rubbing at the headache beginning to form under the skin. 

“Are you okay, Quentin?”

He lifted his head up and found Alice standing in front of him. She looked so concerned for him in that moment that Quentin knew he should be grateful for her but he felt more exhausted and sad by it than anything. Quentin had thought a lot about this and knew that this was the time. He hated to hurt Alice but he needed to be honest with her before it got too far. They couldn’t be together she like wanted.

“Can we...can we talk for a second?”

She nodded and sat down on the stair next to him. Quentin was quiet for a moment, trying to decide how to go about this. “What are we doing, Alice?”

She looked at him in confusion, “Well Kady, Zelda and I are about to head to the Library to look for the sequence so we can save Eliot--” 

His heart ached again at the sound of his name but he tamped down his feelings and tried again, “No I mean, what are  _ we _ doing. You and me. Are we.. together? Are we friends?”

Alice brushed her hair behind her ear before folding her hands in her lap. “I-I thought we were. I thought you wanted…”

“I meant what I said earlier. I want you in my life, Alice. I just… I don’t know if we can be together like that again. It...we don’t work. We didn’t work. Before. Not like that. Even before everything with the quest and…” he trailed off. “But I do want to be friends again. I like being your friend, Alice.” 

“Are you-are you breaking up with me, Quentin?”

“I suppose I am, yes.”

Alice looked away from him and swallowed several times, choking back tears. Quentin could see her thinking, can see the wheels turning in that big beautiful brain of hers. Finally, she nodded her head and wiped away a stray tear that started falling down her cheek, “I suppose you’re right. We were kind of terrible together, weren’t we.”

“It wasn’t great,” he smiled, trying to lighten the mood. It worked. Alice chuckled a little and composed herself.

“I’d love for us to be friends Quentin because i think...no, I  _ know  _ we work best when we’re together. No matter what that means. You make me a better magician Q.”

Quentin smiled at her, “I’ll always be your friend, Alice.”

“Can I ask you something? As a friend?”

“Of course,” Quentin said, looking at her curiously.

She paused for a moment and stared at her hands in her lap, unsure of how to proceed. She bit her bottom lip and turned to look at him. “Are you in love with Eliot?” she spurted out.

Quentin’s eyes widened in shock and his jawed dropped. 

“I mean, the way you talk about him and everything I just wondered if maybe you liked him.”

“I...I don’t...I don’t know. Maybe. It’s complicated.”

“It’s okay if you do. I’m not really surprised. Ever since you and he and Margo slept together that one time I knew there was something between you two. I’ve seen the way you two are together and it’s different. I suppose I hoped that maybe you could love me again but it’s not me you love. It’s Eliot. Isn’t it?”

Quentin didn’t know what to say. He just sat there blinking like an idiot trying to come up with some kind of response. Before Quentin could get his brain to function again, Margo strolled passed them, both of her ice axes swung over her shoulder. “Get your shit together people, I got a best friend to save.” 

Quentin looked back at Alice, wanting to say something but not knowing what to say. Alice kissed him on the cheek and stood up. “When we get him back you should tell him, Q. Tell him how you feel. Okay?”

She didn’t wait for a response. Just smiled sadly at him and left the room to join Kady and Zelda on their trip to the Library. Quentin waited a moment to compose himself and get focused before standing up and heading towards Margo. She was waiting for him in next room.

“You okay there, Coldwater?” she asked him as she handed him one of the axes.

Quentin took the axe from her and ran a hand over his face. “Yeah, I'm okay. Let's go get Eliot back.”

Margo grinned, “Fuck yeah. Let's go get our man back!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Operation Save Eliot!

This was it. The time had come. Everything was in place. It was time to get Eliot back.

Penny had poofed the four of them (Penny, Margo, Julia, and himself) into the woods as close to the Monster they could get without being noticed. Quentin could see him sitting there, back against the tree, talking quietly to himself and he had to stop himself from running right over there and sticking his axe in him now. But that wasn’t the plan. And if he wanted to get Eliot back he needed to stick to the plan, no matter how strong his desire to run to him was. 

Eliot’s voice drifted towards them and they quietly moved between the trees. “There's something I want you to know, sister. This world, it's not just the bad things or the ones who wronged us. There is... there is such beauty in everything. Even the quiet, especially the quiet.”

The four of them crept close, careful to not make a noise. Margo popped out her fairy eye and tossed it towards Eliot. Once it stopped rolling she snuck off in the opposite direction. 

“I’ve been thinking,” Monster!Eliot continued, “Once we kill our parents, do we really need to destroy this world? Can we not just kill those who hurt us and then...be together...here. Forever. That wouldn’t be so bad would it?”

Quentin led Penny and Julia towards not!Eliot. Once they were close enough, the three of them popped out of their hiding space and Quentin shouted to get his attention. 

“Hey!” he called out. The Monster shot up from his spot against the tree and glared at Quentin.

“You.” he growled. Then he saw Julia standing behind Quentin and his face fell, recognizing that he sister was no longer in her body. “Where is my sister,” he asked quietly, his shoulders falling as he stared at Julia with wet eyes.

Julia stared back at him and felt a bit of sympathy for the creature. “She’s gone,” she replied, her voice quiet and cautious.

He swallowed thickly and asked, “Did you kill her?”

“No,” Quentin said, hands tightening around the axe. “Unlike you, we’re not killers.”

The Monster turned his attention back to Quentin. “We were supposed to be together. Forever. I wouldn’t be alone anymore. You left me. Broke your promise. We were..friends. You said we would be together but you lied, Quentin. All you care about is this body. I tried to take care of it like you asked me too but still you abandoned me.”

Quentin looked at not!Eliot with pity. In another time, he might have actually felt sorry for the creature. It was like a child, lost and alone in the world after being trapped for a millennium in hell. But when Quentin looked at it, all he saw was Eliot. Eliot’s eyes, Eliot’s movements, Eliot’s voice. And every time he started to pity the creature standing before him he would look at Eliot’s face and remember what this Monster had done and would still do and he felt no more sympathy. 

Quentin gripped his axe tighter and felt Penny shift behind him, ready to grab him and Julia at a moment’s notice and poof them out of harm's way. In the distance he could see Margo sneaking through the brush. 

Just a bit longer. He just had to keep the Monster distracted for a bit longer. Then Margo would be close enough to use Sorrow.

“I had my sister,” Monster!Eliot said, “but you took her from me too and now I’m alone again. We were going to be together. The world was going to be ours. And you took her. Give her back.” his voice rose in volume until by the end anger laced his every word. His face grew deadly and he moved slowly towards Quentin.

Margo wasn’t close enough yet. Just a bit further. Quentin felt Penny grab his jacket but he spoke one more time in an attempt to stall the Monster.

“We were never friends. We could never be friends. You took Eliot. Your sister took Julia. You’ve killed so many innocent people. All you do is hurt people. How can anyone be your friend? You’re just a monster.”

The Monster growled and lunged forward towards Quentin, raising his hand to slit his throat as he had done to so many others before.

Margo launched out of her hiding spot just as Penny poofed Quentin and Julia out of the line of fire. The monster’s spell hit the tree, carving a large gash across its bark in it’s wake. 

“Hey, motherfucker!” Margo shouted as she swung her ax straight at Monster!Eliot’s stomach. He turned around at her call and roared with pain as the blade sunk in deep.

The Monster groaned and collapsed to the ground as Margo pulled her axe out. A bright, orange light filtered out of the wound, just like it had with Julia. Margo held her ax at the ready, eyes flitting desperately towards Eliot wanting to go to him but she held her ground prepared to do anything to keep the monster away from Eliot. 

“Now, Julia!” Quentin shouted. Julia quickly uncapped the bottle and drew the monster in. As soon as she had collected the last of the light, she closed the bottle, placed it on the tree stump in front of her and began to cast the bond. 

As Julia began the spell, Quentin turned and raced towards Eliot’s prone body, dropping his axe on the ground with the Monster and the bottle completely forgotten. Quentin only had eyes for Eliot. 

He listened to Margo screaming Eliot’s name, trying to bring him back. Margo was pressing down hard on his stomach as blood poured out him. My god, there was so much blood. He could hear it squishing as Margo moved her hands. Eliot’s shirt was now soaked and it pooled beneath him turning the ground into river of red. It was too much. He was losing too much blood. He wasn’t waking up. Were they too late? Had the Monster kept him trapped for too long? Had they lost Eliot for good? 

Quentin fell to his ground next to Eliot’s prone body, landing on his knees, and gently pressed two shaky fingers to Eliot’s neck praying he’d find a pulse underneath. 

_ Thump thump, thump thump. _

_ There!  _ Eliot was alive, he was alive. “I’ve got a pulse, Margo!”

“Thank fuck,” she cried. “Alright asshole, if there’s a tunnel with Grandma, tell her to piss off and come back you selfish fuck! Get back here! Eliot!” Margo continued to cried to out as Quentin moved his hand off Eliot’s throat and cupped his cheek instead. He softly ran his thumb across his cheek hoping it would encourage Eliot to open his eyes.

_ Please come back, Eliot. Please, please, please! Don’t go! Come back Eliot! _

Quentin saw something land on Eliot’s cheek and roll down the side of his face. A tear. He was crying now. Tears fell silently and he swallowed against a lump in his throat. His fingers beginning to shake as he brushed Eliot’s greasy hair off his forehead. “Come back to me, Eliot.”

“Eliot, please,” Margo begged one last time before shouting at the top of her lungs. “Eliot!”

Then Quentin could swear his heart stopped because Eliot opened his eyes and whispered, so softly he was afraid he was imagining it. 

“Well, when you put it so sweetly, Bambi.” 

_ Eliot.  _ That was unmistakably Eliot. He was okay. He was okay!

Margo grinned widely and chuckled in sheer relief of hearing Eliot’s voice again, seeing him awake and knowing without a doubt that this was him.

A small sob burst out of Quentin. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He did it, they did it. Eliot was here. He was safe. Quentin felt like a weight lifted off his shoulders and it took everything in him to not collapse right then and there. He leaned forward and put his forehead against Eliot’s. He closed his eyes, a few tears leaking out, and smiled. “Welcome back, Eliot.”

“Quentin,” he heard Eliot whispered. He could practically hear the smile on his face. Quentin leaned back again and was surprised to see Eliot looking at Quentin with such love and affection it make Quentin’s heart stop. He prayed he wasn’t just imagining things. 

Eliot reached up with a shaky hand to touch Quentin’s face but his eyes fluttered closed and his hand fell limply to the ground.

Quentin’s face dropped and his fingers flew to Eliot’s neck. Feeling the soft thump, thump, thump of a pulse he released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and turned to Margo who was still desperately pressing down on Eliot’s bleeding stomach. She looked panicked now and cried out, “Q! He’s losing too much blood! I can’t get it to stop! We need to get him out of here!”

Quentin nodded and turned to Penny, hands gripping Eliot’s shirt tightly. “Penny we have to go Brakebills! Now!” 

Julia and Penny rushed forward and grabbed hold of Eliot, the one thing connecting them all in that moment. The world shifted them and suddenly the soft forest floor turned into cold hard linoleum. 

The next few minutes were chaotic as they landed in the hospital at Brakebills. He heard Margo scream for help and Professor Lipson run out into the lobby, shouting orders but he didn’t care. He couldn’t take his eyes off Eliot. Quentin refused to leave Eliot’s side, his head still safely cushioned on his lap.

“Q. Q, you have to let go of him. She can’t help him if you don’t let go.” He tore his eyes away from Eliot and saw Julia kneeling next to him, one hand on his shoulder. He didn’t even notice that Professor Lipson was trying to put him on the gurney but his death grip on Eliot’s shirt prevented her from moving him. He released his grip and they lifted Eliot, placing him gently on the gurney. 

Quentin stood with them, his feet moving him along the hallway as they wheeled Eliot away, desperate to keep Eliot’s face in view. 

“Do something! Please!” Margo shouted at Professor Lipson.

“They need all the ambient for opening the Seam, if I use it know they won’t have enough.”

“What’s the point of being a magician if you can’t fucking use it.”

“Before I was a magician I was a trauma surgeon. I’m perfectly capable of saving him the old fashion way. If you need to cry go outside.”

Margo stopped in her tracks at that remark and Quentin subconsciously did the same. They watched as Lipson wheeled Eliot through a set of double doors and disappeared down the hall.

The hallway was quiet as both of them stood rooted to the floor, neither willing to look away. Quentin felt like he couldn’t breathe. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Eliot, bleeding out on the forest floor. So much blood. They just got him back. He couldn’t die now. Not now! 

Eventually, Margo spoke, breaking the silence. “You need to go,” she said.

Quentin spun towards her, surprised at her callousness. “What? No I’m not leaving.” How could she tell him to leave? He couldn't leave. Not now. Not when Eliot was back there fighting for his life. Not when Eliot could still die. 

“You need to get the bottle to Alice and then you need to throw those two motherfuckers into a hellhole they can’t get out of. I’ll look after Eliot. Go. End this.”

Quentin saw the steeled determination that made Margo such a good magician. He knew she was right. The job wasn’t done yet. As long as those two were still in this realm they were still a danger. He needed to finish this. For Eliot. 

“I’ll be back soon.”

“I should hope so. Go on already.”

Quentin looked once more down the hall before turning on his heel and returning to the lobby. Penny and Julia were standing there, waiting in stunned and fearful silence.

“Let’s go,” Quentin said. Penny took a hold both Julia and Quentin and a second later they disappeared from the lobby. Margo silently watched them from the hall. When they were gone she picked out a plastic chair in the waiting room and sunk down into it, getting settled for the long wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group heads to the Library with both Monsters in tow and encounter a few problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter but I had so much trouble getting the words out for it. I don't know why. I'm still not really happy with it but I'm ready to move on and get back to Q and El. So sorry if this chapter sucks. I do apologize.

In the blink of an eye Quentin, Julia, and Penny went from standing in the middle of the Brakebills hospital lobby to the colorless walls of the Neitherlands Library. Quentin stumbled and blinked rapidly against the rapid change of scenery. When his senses reoriented themselves he looked around. Penny had taken them all straight to the hall where Alice and Zelda waited, hopefully with the necessary spell to unlock the Scroll. 

Alice was the first to notice the group’s entrance and rushed towards Quentin, concern written all over face. “Did it work? Is Eliot okay?” She asked fearfully.

Quentin tensed at the thought of Eliot. “We got the Monster out but Eliot’s hurt pretty bad. Margo is with him in the hospital.’  Quentin sighed and closed his eyes, “He’s alive though. He’s alive.”

She breathed out a sigh of relief and Quentin saw her shoulders drop as the tension leaked out of her now that she knew Eliot was safe and the Monster was captured, “Thank god.”

“Did you find the sequence?” Penny asked.

Alice reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Penny. “Yeah, here. It’s pretty simple to execute. We should all be able to do it without a problem. If we follow that order the Seam should open. Everything is ready on our end. Kady is on standby with the Hedge Witches for whenever we’re ready. She said to just text her when they need to begin the spell.”

Quentin nodded. “Okay, good. Alice, Julia, why don’t you both hand me the bottles you have. The more people performing the spell the better and we all know your more powerful than I am.”

Alice carefully slid the bottle off her shoulder and passed it over to Quentin. Julia gave Quentin her bottle but held on for a moment longer, exchanging a worried look with Q. He smiled at her, trying his best to reassure her that he’d be fine. She reluctantly let go but didn’t relax.

Zelda carefully put the scroll down on the floor and unrolled it before stepping back and standing with the others. They stood before the scroll, preparing to cast. Quentin steeled himself. He was ready to finally be rid of the Monster once and for all. Ready to go home. Ready to return to Eliot. 

Quentin nodded at Penny to send the text that would alert Kady to begin the spell with the Hedge Witches. Once he had sent the text, the group began their cast, a swirl of simultaneous, fluid movements. 

The spell didn’t take long to take affect and soon the lettering on the scroll began to glow as the magicians made their way through the sequence of casts. Electricity crackled in the air. Wind gusted around them. Suddenly, a crack formed in the space around them and slowly split open the space in front of them revealing a swirling chasm of darkness. The Seam had opened.

“Now, Q! Throw them in!” Julia shouted.

Quentin quickly tossed the first bottle and watched as it was sucked into the void, disappearing forever but before Quentin could do the same with the second bottle, the scroll shuttered and began ripping itself into shreds, closing the Seam once more.

“I believe you have something I need, Mr. Coldwater.” 

Quentin spun around, gripping the bottle tight. Everett stood in the entryway. 

“Sorry about the scroll but I can’t have you throwing that last bottle into the Seam. Hand it over now.”

“We can’t do that. You’ll become a god.”

“And you've met gods, but I won't be like them. I studied them so I could do better, be better. Trust me.”

Zelda stepped forward and stood before Everett blocking his path to Quentin. “Everett, please. Don’t do this. You know this isn’t right. This isn’t what the Library does.”

“The Library protects knowledge. As a god I can keep all evil, all those who wish to use our knowledge for harm, away. I can keep the Library safe. Think of all the knowledge I can bring into the Library.”

“This is not the way. Please, Everett.”

“I’m sorry Zelda. One day you’ll realize that this was the right decision.” 

With a wave of his hand, Everett blasted Zelda away. She hit the ground hard and he then turned on Alice and Julia. Penny tried to stop him but Everett was too quick and took him down before he could make a move. Quentin and Julia stood their ground together in front of the broken scroll. 

Julia stepped forward and sent a cast at him. Everett reached up to block it but the strength of Julia’s god powers surprised him and he was blown back a few feet. 

“Amazing,” Everett marveled, making his way to his feet again. “You have it don’t you. The power and knowledge that a god possesses. It’s in you. Did you take it from the monster inside the bottle you hold?”

“I earned my powers. The power of a god isn’t something you should just take. It will eat at your soul and corrupt you until you’ve become nothing more than a shadow of your old self. Unless you’ve earned it you have no idea what you’re going to be dealing with.”

While Julia and Everett faced off, Quentin exchanged a look with Zelda who was laying on the ground behind Everett. He had an idea and this might be the only chance they had. With Everett distracted he could finish this but he needed Zelda’s help. She saw his look and seemed to be able to read his mind. She nodded back at him and began to stand. 

Quentin darted forward and grabbed hold of the bottle Julia was holding. He turned, forming a quick set of casts and ran towards the remains of the scroll. 

Zelda began to cast, quickly running through the sequence of finger forms necessary to open Seam. A bright golden light ran along the torn edges of the scroll. The scroll was quickly stitching itself back together, finishing just as Zelda finished the final cast.

The Seam opened and Quentin put all his weight into throwing the final bottle towards the crack. He heard Everett screaming as he let go of the strap and felt a body crash into him, knocking him to the ground. Everett scrambled to grab hold of the two bottles before they entered the Seam. He lunged forward and Quentin watched in horror as he got a hand on one of the leather straps but the pull of the Seam was too strong and instead of pulling the bottle towards him, the Seam sucked all of them in.

Everett started to scream once he realized what was happening. Quentin scrambled to his feet and rushed forward. Everett wasn’t a good guy but he wasn’t going to sit there and let a man die. He moved as fast as he could towards Everett’s falling body. Everett stared at him in fear of what was to come and tried to reach out to him but before Quentin’s hands could grasp onto his shirt the Seam sucked him in. Everett went tumbling down into the black void, his screams echoing through the halls of the Library.

Quentin stared at the black, empty void, frozen in shock. He felt a hand on his shoulder and startled. Julia stared down at him, her expression soft and compassionate. “Let’s get out of here.”

Quentin nodded and stood up. He and Julia joined Penny and Alice but Zelda stayed back, still looking towards the now empty place the Seam once was.

“Zelda? Come on. Let’s get out of here,” Quentin said, reaching a hand out towards her.

Zelda, pulled out of her trance, looked back at Quentin and shook her head. “Thank you but no. I think I should stay here. Try and get the Library back in some sort of order. Everett has left quite the mess and I’d like to try and fix what I can.”

“I understand. Good luck,” Quentin said smiling. Zelda returned his smile and nodded her goodbyes at the group.

Quentin took hold of Julia and Alice’s hands, took one last look at Zelda and the Library before the Penny poofed them away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin and Margo watch over Eliot and wait for him to wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting two chapters today because I feel bad for not posting and for the crap chapter 4. Hopefully this one is better. Love you all!

Everyone returned from the Library a little battered and bruised but alive. Both Monsters were now safely stowed away in the Seam where they could never get out but Quentin didn’t feel any relief. He wouldn’t be able to relax again until he knew for sure that Eliot was safe and sound.

Penny had taken them back to the Physical Kids cottage but Quentin convinced him to take him to the hospital instead. He needed to see Eliot. Needed to know he was okay. And Margo shouldn’t have to go through this alone right now. Penny agreed and poofed him over, nodding once at a slightly surprised Margo before heading out.

Margo was still sitting in the same plastic chair in the waiting room where he left her. She looked like she had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and there were tear tracks down her cheeks. “Did you do it?” she asked.

Quentin nodded.

“Everyone okay?”

He nodded again. “Eliot?” he whispered.

She shook her head. “No word yet.”

Quentin sat down next Margo and prepared to wait. Silently, Margo took hold of Quentin’s hand. He looked at her in surprise but didn't say anything. He just squeezed her hand tightly. He noticed that her hands were no longer covered in dried blood. Eliot’s blood. She must have washed it off some time while he was gone. He didn’t blame her. If it were him he’d have wanted to get it off as soon as possible.

Quentin wasn’t sure how much time passed before the click of heels alerted his attention to Professor Lipson coming down the hall looking drained. As soon as she came into view both Margo and Quentin let go of each others hands and shot to their feet.

“How is he?” Margo demanded. Quentin held his breath in anticipation. If Eliot didn’t make it through….

“I’d forgotten how barbaric it is to do medicine that way. I did not miss doing that.”

“Hey Professor dipshit, is Eliot okay or not.”

“Always a pleasure, Margo.” Margo glared at her in response, crossing her arms over her chest. “He’s not out of the woods yet but I was able to stabilize him. He lost a lot of blood and there was some damage from the weapon but I am very good at what I do and he should be okay. I have him on an IV to get some fluids. He’s dehydrated, slightly malnourished, exhausted. The Monster really did not know what self care was.”

“But he’ll be okay, right?” Quentin asked fearfully, his voice barely coming out.

Professor Lipson’s eyes soften as she looked at him, “He’ll be okay. He’ll need time to heal and until I have enough ambient magic it’ll be slow going for him. He’ll be in pain and he’ll be exhausted...but he’s gonna pull through. You can go see him now if you want to. Room 212.”

Margo and Quentin wasted no more time and raced down the hall to where Eliot was. Reaching 212 Margo turned the knob slowly and the two of them cautiously enter Eliot’s room.

Quentin paused at the sight of Eliot. He’d never seen him like this before. So pale. So still. Eliot was hardly ever still. Some part of him was always in motion and it scared Quentin to see him this still. It was nothing like he was imaging. In his mind, Quentin had been picturing more of what Eliot looked like after he had passed out post party at the Physical Kids cottage. Asleep but otherwise fine. In hindsight that really made no sense for him to think that. Being passed out drunk was very different from being stabbed in the stomach by a giant axe. Quentin would never forget the difference for as long as he lived.

Eliot was deathly pale. His face, as white as a ghost, stood in stark contrast to the long black hair that laid on the pillow around his head. He was laying on the hospital bed with his upper body slightly elevated and his head cushioned on a pillow. A blanket covered his lower body. Various tubes came out of him doing god knows what. Frankly Quentin didn’t care what they did. He knew they were keeping Eliot alive and that was all that mattered. An oxygen mask covered his face, his breath causing it to fog up every few seconds. Eliot was wearing a light blue hospital shirt and pants now. Something he was sure to complain about once he woke up. His shirt was unbuttoned slightly and Quentin could see bandages peeking out from underneath.

“Fuck. El.” Margo choked out softly to herself as she walked past Quentin and sat down in the chair next to Eliot. She carefully picked up one of his limp hands, being sure not to disturb the iv attached to the back of his hand and gently pressed a soft kiss to it.

Quentin followed her and dragged the chair that was tucked in the corner of the room to the opposite side of the bed from Margo. He sat down and hesitantly reached out to take Eliot’s other hand. Eliot’s hand was warm as he slipped his own hand underneath Eliot’s palm and wrapped his fingers around El’s. 

Neither Margo nor Quentin said anything more. Each holding onto one of Eliot’s hand, the two of them prepared to sit vigil for the man he loved.

 

* * *

 

Several hours passed by with neither of them moving. The others all visited throughout the day at different times wanting to check in on Eliot and to see if the two of them needed anything. They didn’t stay long though with he and Margo not being in very talkative moods. 

Julia showed up at one point with food for both he and Margo. He wouldn’t admit it but he was starving and he wolfed down the sandwich she brought in just a couple of minutes. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he ate something. Maybe the pizza they ordered when Margo returned with the ice axes. God how long ago was that now?

Professor Lipson had checked in on Eliot several times throughout the day as well. She replaced his bandages with new ones and changed out fluid bags. She also replaced his oxygen mask for a nasal cannula stating that he was breathing okay now and wouldn’t need as much oxygen. 

As the night grew long and visiting hours ended, Professor Lipson had rather not so graciously allowed the two of them to stay past visiting hours, mostly because Margo had threatened to rip her spine out she tried to kick either one of them out. Professor Lipson could be scary when she wanted to but she had nothing on a protective, emotionally strung out Margo and had quickly backed down. 

Margo had fallen asleep an hour ago curled up in her chair, her head resting on the palm of her hand and he legs pulled up off the ground. Quentin had found a blanket and draped it over her.

Eventually Quentin dozed off as well. His head rested on the bed, his hand still holding onto Eliot’s. He was almost asleep when he felt Eliot’s fingers twitched suddenly in his grasp startling Quentin out of his doze.

He picked his head off the bed and stared at Eliot’s hand in his own. Did he just imagine that? He’d thought about it so often he was afraid he had been dreaming. 

Suddenly Eliot’s fingers twitched again. Quentin stood up, knocking over his chair, and leaned over Eliot’s face, keeping Eliot’s hand up tight in his grasp. 

“Eliot?” he whispered.

“What is it?” Margo’s sleepy voice asked. She uncurled herself and pushed the blanket off her. 

“His-his hand moved. I swear his hand moved!”

“What?” She shot out of her chair and leaned over Eliot, picking his hand back up.“Eliot? Stop fucking around and wake the hell up. Come on!”

Eliot’s eyebrows scrunched and he moaned weakly.

Quentin squeezed Eliot’s hand and leaned forward to place his other hand on Eliot’s face. “Eliot? Eliot wake up. Come back.”

Eliot breathed in deeply and moved his head into Quentin’s touch. Quentin brushed his thumb across Eliot’s cheek, encouraging him to open his eyes.

Slowly, Eliot’s eyes opened, and Quentin breathed for the first time in days. 

“Q,” Eliot spoke, a soft smile lighting up his face as he locked eyes with Quentin. This is what he was waiting for. This is why he wouldn’t leave when Julia asked him to. He needed to see Eliot’s eyes. He needed to know for sure that the Monster was gone. It didn’t matter that he knew they were both locked away in the Seam, he needed to be able to look into Eliot’s eyes and see  _ Eliot _ . After months of looking into the dark eyes of the Monster, he almost sobbed at seeing the bright green of Eliot’s eyes looking back at him.

“Hey there.” Quentin choked out. He smiled so wide he thought his face might break. A few tears managed to fall and he let out a weak laugh. He’s awake, he’s awake! It was Eliot. Eliot was back. He was gonna be okay.

“Son of a fucking bitch, Eliot. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Hi, Bambi.” 

“Fuck!” Margo threw herself on top of Eliot in a hug, silently weeping with joy and relief. Quentin released his hand as Eliot closed his eyes and gently tugged her close. “I’m okay Bambi.”

She leaned back once her tears stopped and brushed some hair off his face. “Don’t fucking do that to us again you twat.”

Eliot smiled and reached up to brush away her tears. Margo closed her eyes and laid her hand on top of his, keeping it against her cheek for a moment longer, reveling in his touch. She released his hand a moment later and smiled at him as he let his hand fall.

“What happened?” Eliot asked.

Margo sat down on the bed. “The Monster’s gone but I had to stab you with an axe to get it out. You’ll be okay. It’s gone and Professor Lipson says you’ll be okay. You lost a lot of blood and you’re gonna be weak for a while.”

Eliot started to try and rise but his face scrunched up in pain so Q stopped him, placing two hands on his shoulders and gently pushing him back down. “Hey, hey don't move. You'll pull your stitches.”

“Q,” he said grabbing Quentin’s wrist weakly to keep it on his shoulder, “It’s good to see you. There's something... I have to talk to you about. I’ve been afraid to but I want to be brave. I promised that I'd be brave,” Eliot mumbled, his eyes closing briefly against his wishes.

“It’s okay. We have time to talk later. Are you in pain? I can get Professor Lipson.” 

Eliot shook his head and forced his eyes open again, “‘s important. Need to tell you. ’m sorry I ran before. Was scared. Was stupid and I hurt you.” 

“Eliot…You need to rest. We can talk when you’re better. I’m...I’m not going anywhere, okay? Let’s just focus on getting you better. We have time.” 

“I don’t want to run anymore. I want this. Want you, Q.” Eliot slipped back into unconsciousness, his hand finally releasing Quentin’s wrist and dropping back down on the bed.

Quentin sunk down into his chair, confused and relieved at the same time. He felt like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders. Eliot was okay. Everything was gonna be okay now.

“You okay there, Q?”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m good. He woke up, Margo. He’s gonna be okay.”

“Did you ever doubt it?”

“For a minute there….yeah. I did.”

Margo looked pensive for a moment before turning to him. “If you ever tell him this I will kill you but...there was a moment when I did too.”

Quentin looked at her shocked. That oddly made him feel a little better. If Margo had her doubts too maybe he wasn’t so bad for momentarily giving up on Eliot.

“Any idea what he was trying to tell you? Sounded important to him.”

“No. I have no idea.”

“Hmm.”

“Painkillers talking, maybe?”

“Sure. That’s probably it.”

Quentin avoided looking at her eyes.

“Now that he’s woken up there’s no point for us both to sit here. Go back to the cottage. Get some sleep.”

“No it’s okay. I’m good.”

“Quentin. That was my polite way of saying get the hell out of here and take a goddamn shower. You reek.”

Quentin sniffed himself and recoiled. “Yeah yup okay. Shower is a good idea. You gonna stay?”

“Yeah. Go on Coldwater. I’ll look after our boy.” 

Quentin headed towards the door and paused. He turned, taking one more look at Eliot before opening the door and quietly walking out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliot's POV now!

Back in the happy place, Eliot had thought a lot about what it would feel like to come back, to have his body back. He thought coming back into his body would feel like waking up after a long night of sleep. He didn’t think it would involve so many sensations, so many noises, so much  _ pain _ . 

Eliot knew the moment he woke up that he was back in his body. If he was still trapped in the happy place there wouldn’t be so much... _ everything _ . His body felt heavy as if weighed down by the sensation of life itself. There were so many noises too. A steady beeping surrounded him and he could hear the sound of footsteps, muffled voices. It was so loud. Was the world always so loud? 

He shifted and a sharp burn cut across his stomach. He groaned and tried to shift away from whatever was causing it but it bit back, burning harder and sharper.

“El?”

He moaned again and tried to open his eyes but it was too bright. Too bright.  _ Too bright. _ So he scrunched his eyes closed again to keep the light out. A moment later the light dimmed enough that he could try again. 

“It’s okay, El. You’re okay.”

Eliot felt something tighten around his hand. He slowly opened his eyes. The world was blurred and fuzzy around him, lines blending into one another making everything looked distorted. He blinked a few times and things began to clear up. 

Margo’s face was the first thing he saw in clarity and he smiled.  _ Bambi. My Bambi. _ “Margo,” he said, his voice coming out quiet and hoarse.

“Hey, baby. How are you feeling?”

“Hmm. Heavy. What happened? Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. At Brakebills. The Monster’s gone. You got hurt in the process but you’re gonna be okay. You lost a lot of blood and the Monster didn’t know jack shit about self care. Professor Lipson’s got you on a whole cocktail of good shit to fix you up. You’ll be back to normal in no time.”

Eliot looked around the room. Well this definitely wasn’t the happy place anymore. There was no way he’d ever end up in Brakebills Hospital and still have it be a happy place. Margo squeezed his hand a little bit tighter as he took in his surroundings. He was back. He was finally back. How long had it been? Time had lost all meaning in the happy place, just like Charlton had said it did. It only felt like maybe a week since he had broke free and spoke to Quentin but how long had it actually been?

Quentin. Where was Quentin? Was he okay? He could have sworn he was here. Or was that just a dream? It was so hard to tell what was real, what was in his head. 

Eliot turned back towards Margo. She was looking at him worried, her eyebrows scrunched together. “Was...was Quentin here? Or did I… dream that? “

She relaxed a bit and smile, “No you didn’t dream that. He was here earlier. We were both here when you woke up before.”

“But he’s not now. Where-where is he now? Does he...does he not want to be here?”

Margo quickly placed a hand on his cheek in an effort to relax him. “Baby, no. Nothing like that. He and I have barely left your side. I chased him away a few hours ago to get some sleep in an actual bed and a shower. He smelled truly terrible, you’ll thank me. He'll be back soon. Why do you think he wouldn’t want to see you?” 

Eliot looked down at his blanket. Why wouldn’t Q want to see him? How about because he broke his heart when it mattered the most. He hadn’t told Margo much about the timeline they spent together but she knew it was important to him and that he had spent 50 years together with Q. But she didn’t know. She didn’t know how he felt about him and how long he’s felt that way about him. He’s been too afraid to say it out loud. 

Eliot took a shaky breath. “Margo I...I screwed up and I hurt him. When I was trapped in my head I had to face what I did, the memory I didn’t ever want to think about because I couldn't in order to find a door. It’s how I was able to escape for that one moment.….The memory I found it in...Q, he...he put himself out there, told me he wanted to try with me, and I ran away. I turned him down. I hurt him. He acted like it was fine but I know he wasn’t. I know I hurt him and.”

Margo was looking at him in shock and confusion and maybe a hint of fear at his growing hysteria. He couldn’t stop now.

“I-I love him Margo. So much and I promised myself I'd be brave next time but I'm not brave. I'm terrified. I'm terrified he'll reject me this time that he won't want anything to do with me and he'd have every right to! I wouldn't blame him! But I'm so scared Margo. I-”

He suddenly couldn’t breathe, his chest was heaving and pain burned through him. Margo lunged forward and grabbed his face with both hands. “Shh shh. El calm down. You need to breathe. Relax. Okay I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about here but let me tell you something. I just watched Quentin spend the last several months doing everything in his power to save you. Any plan or idea that even remotely risked your life he shut it down. Didn't matter if it would have gotten rid of the monster. If it would hurt you, he turned it down. He went through hell to keep you safe which I appreciate cause that meant I didn’t have to do it all myself. In fact, and I hate to admit this, but he might have fought harder than I did. That boy cares about you, El. A lot.” 

Eliot closed his eyes as tears fell and leaned into her hands. He took one shaky breathe after another. Slowly. In. And out. In. And out. Until his breathing slowed down and the tears stopped.

Margo climbed onto the bed next to Eliot and curled up around him taking his hand into hers. Eliot pressed his forehead to hers and sighed shakily. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay, El.”

“I missed you, Bambi.”

“I missed you, too. Don't ever do anything like that again, okay?”

Eliot closed his eyes, sudden exhaustion overwhelming him. “Don't worry Bambi. Not that easy to get rid of me.” He sighed and tried to keep his eyes open but they keep shutting on him against his will.

“Get some sleep, El. Q and I will be here when you wake up again.”

Eliot snuggled closer to Margo, tucking his head into her neck and closed his eyes.

“I’m glad you’re back, El,” Margo whispers.

“Me too, Bambi. Me too.”

Eliot faded away with Margo’s arms safely wrapped around him.

 

* * *

 

 

When Eliot woke up again he felt better, more like himself. He opened his eyes and looked around. It was bright out again but the light didn’t hurt his eyes this time.

Next to his bed he spied Quentin sitting in one of the hospital chairs, quietly reading a book. He didn’t seem to notice that Eliot was awake. Eliot took a moment to observe him. He smiled. Q. Q was here. He looked tired though. His lips moved as he read his book, something that always made Eliot chuckle. It was cute. It was very Quentin. So focused on his books that the world just fell away around him.

“Whatcha reading, Q?,” Eliot whispered, trying to catch Quentin’s attention. 

Quentin startled and nearly dropped his book. He leaned his body towards Eliot. “Eliot! Hey. How are you? You okay? Are you in pain? Do you need something to eat? Drink?”

Eliot chuckled, “Q, calm down. I’m okay. As okay as someone who was possessed by a crazy demon monster and then stabbed by an axe can be.”

Quentin winced at the callous way Eliot put it, squirming a bit in his chair. Eliot sighed and apologized, “Sorry.”

“S’okay,” he said. “You’ve been through a lot. The Monster wasn’t exactly easy on you. Lipson says your healing well though.”

“Hmm, I feel better. How long have I been out? Margo told me I woke up on you once before. Sorry I don’t really remember that. Hope I didn’t say anything too weird.”

“N-no. No. You were uh pretty out of it though. Fell back asleep almost immediately. You’ve uh been here about three days now.”

“Three days?”

“Yup.”

“What happened to Margo? She was here earlier. She okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. She’s fine. Josh is heading to Fillory for a bit to update and check in on Fen so she’s seeing him off. She’ll be back later.”

“Josh,” he said in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Quentin responded in laughter.

“Interesting. There’s a story there and you are gonna tell me all about  _ that _ later. For now... tell me how you guys got rid of the monster. Margo told me you got it out of me but didn’t elaborate. I need to know,” he said.

“Well it’s kinda a long story.”

“I got time,” Eliot said shifting a bit in order to get more comfortable. Unfortunately every position was uncomfortable and the movement caused him to wince in pain. He drew a sharp breath and placed a hand against his stomach until the pain died away. 

He looked up to see Quentin staring at him worried. Eliot nodded that he was okay and gestured for him to continue. Quentin relaxed a little but his shoulders remained tense.

“Um okay so Margo got these two axes that could pull a spirit out of a possessed person and these bottles that could house them. We tried to use them on Julia when she was possessed by the monster’s sister but she kind of kick our asses and then Julia knocked the Monster right out of her cause she’s this powerful goddess again.”

Eliot raised his eyebrows and nodded in an “okay that’s a thing then?” sort of way. Quentin continued, “We used the axe to get the one out of you hence the giant stab wound.”

“Margo did mention that part.”

“Yeah sorry about that. It was the only way. So uh then we used the scroll the Monster had to open a place called the Seam which is like this weird in between realms kind of place that once a thing goes in, can’t come out. We put the bottles in there but not before Everett, this evil Librarian guy, arrived wanting to take the power and become a god.”

“Sounds...fun.”

“Yeah not so much. Everett showed up all juiced up on this magical reservoir water and cut the scroll that held the Seam opened but uh fixing small stuff is kinda my discipline i guess so I fixed it up while he was getting his butt kicked by Zelda. So now Everett and the monsters are trapped in the Seam.”

Eliot looked at him stunned for a few seconds, jaw wide open, before shaking his head in astonishment. “I only understood like a third of that but it sounds like we won again so yay. Go team.”

“Yeah. Go team.”

“Sounds like I’ve missed a lot. And everyone’s okay? We didn’t...we didn’t lose anyone did we?”

“No! No. Everyone’s okay. We’re all good. Better now that you’re back.”

“It’s good to be back.” Eliot and Quentin were both quiet. Eliot looked down at his hands and started playing with a loose thread in his blanket.  _ Should I say it now? Now would be as good as any other time right? Okay, Eliot you can do this. Just tell him how you feel. _ “Q...I-”

“I should probably go get Professor Lipson. She wanted to know when you woke up again. I’ll be right back.” And then Quentin was gone, fleeing out of the room before Eliot could finish his thought. 

Eliot leaned his head back onto the pillow and sighed deeply. Maybe now wasn’t the time to tell Quentin he loved him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliot recovers from his possession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, angst, and more angst. 
> 
> Also these two are idiots who don't know how to communicate.

One day at a time. One day at a time. That’s what they all kept telling Eliot when he got frustrated with his slow progress. After Quentin had returned with Professor Lipson, she told him that even though the ambient magic had returned she still couldn’t heal him. There was something about the ice axes that prevented the usual healing magic from working. She thought it had something to do with the axes pulling out energy thus preventing energy from going in as well. Either way this meant that Eliot had to heal the long and painful way. 

So Eliot was healing but not at the speed he wanted. It was frustrating, painful, and everyone was treating him with either kit gloves or like they're needed to walk on eggshells around him. He was sick of it. His stomach hurt all the time and he was so tired both mentally and physically. One time he actually nodded off during a conversation with Quentin about dragons. DRAGONS! Even Quentin’s enthusiasm wasn’t enough to prevent him from passing out from exhaustion. He apologized when he woke up again but Q just smiled and laughed it off. 

The other day he grew so frustrated by his lack of progress in the whole getting out of bed by yourself and walking to the bathroom thing that regular people do that he threw a glass against the wall, shattering it into a million pieces. Quentin, good, kind, sweet Quentin, who never got frustrated or angry with him, had been hovering close by as he tried to stand on his own two legs and was there to catch him when his legs inevitably gave out. Eliot had been so angry by his own body’s weakness that when Quentin got him to sit on the bed again, he reach over to the bedside table, grabbed the nearest item, and chucked it as far as he could. He nearly hit Margo in the head with it but she ducked in time and it shattered against the wall instead. Quentin got up and quietly cleaned it up while Margo held him as he broke down in tears, a situation he seemed to be finding himself in a lot lately. She just held him close and whispered that it was okay, it was all going to be okay. 

Margo and Quentin had been his rock. They hardly left his side and honestly? He loved it. He missed them both dearly. Everyone had been visiting him but those visits only succeeded at making him feel more lost and frustrated. He wanted to believe Margo when she told him everything was going to be okay but everything was telling him that it wasn’t. When the others visited it felt like they were being cautious around him. Like they were still afraid of him. Like they still expected to see the Monster and not Eliot. Margo and Quentin had never acted like that around him, thank god, but sometimes he’d catch a flinch from one of the others if he made a certain movement or said something too much like the Monster. Any time he caught a flinch or a look he filed it away so he would avoid doing anything like it. He didn’t blame the others for being scared. He’d hurt them all. 

He started getting flashes of the Monster’s memories too. He kept it to himself after the one time he brought up the Monster and Quentin looked like he’d killed his puppy. After that he observed his friends closer. Whatever the Monster had done had clearly affected his friends and they seemed to be having a hard time separately him from it. He didn't blame them. So was he. Eliot noticed that Julia barely talked or looked at him when she checked in on Q. Alice was awkward with him but then again when wasn’t she after the whole debacle with the drunken orgy. Penny was the only normal one. Which meant he was just being his usual asshole self which Eliot was beginning to appreciate more and more. 

Margo was the same and yet at the same time she was different. More vulnerable, more...emotional? It wasn’t a bad different but he knew there was something that happened to her while he was gone that she doesn’t want to talk about. Other than this thing she had with Josh that honestly really weirded him. Especially that one time Josh stopped with food for her and Quentin and the two of them got all touchy feely with one another. But she seemed happy. That was all that mattered. 

Then there was Quentin. Most of the time he was his normal nerdy self but every now and then Eliot noticed he was...different. Sadder, more cautious, a little awkward around him. Whenever Eliot worked up the courage to try and talk to him about the memory in the happy place he seemed to find a reason to leave the room. He was never alone with Quentin long enough for him to say what he had fought so desperately to say. It was like Quentin knew what he was going to say and was purposely running away from it. 

Maybe he shouldn’t say anything at all. He wanted to be brave but if it meant he’d just hurt Quentin again maybe he should just keep it to himself. He’d hurt enough people already.

* * *

 

_ “What are you doing?” _

_ Eliot stopped rummaging through the drawers and turned around. He glared at the approaching figure of Quentin and resumed his search. There. Just what he was looking for. Eliot popped open the container of pills and poured a bunch of them out into his hand. _

_ “Stop! Jesus!” Quentin knocked the pills out of his hand.  _

_ Eliot growled and waved his hand. Quentin flew across the room and hit the wall hard. He crashed into the table during his descent shattering it into pieces. Eliot didn’t care. He turned back to gather the pills that were now scattered on the floor. _

_ “Those pills will kill you!” _

_ “Then I’ll take another body. I’m bored.” _

_ “You kill Eliot you can forget about us helping you.” _

_ Eliot stood up and groaned in frustration. Quentin rose to his feet, his legs a bit unsteady. “Eliot, Eliot, Eliot. Why do you care about him so much?” _

_ “Because I do.You kill him, and we are done. I swear to God, I am serious. I will abandon you, and I will die trying to burn you to the ground.” _

_ Eliot stopped moving and turned to face Quentin. Malice burned through him and stalked towards Quentin, a wicked smile working it’s way across his face. “That's cute. But I'm strong And you're weak.” _

_ Eliot slowly wrapped his hands around Quentin’s neck, his fingers trailing along Quentin’s jaw. His hands were large enough to completely wrap around Quentin’s neck. It would be so easy to kill him. A small squeeze. A quick twist. And no more bothersome human. He loved this part. Seeing the fear in their eyes right before they died. They always pleaded or begged or cried. He loved it. He wondered what Quentin would look like if he started to squeeze. _

_ “Break my bones and strangle me. Too tired to care anymore.” Eliot’s fingers tightened around his neck slowly cutting off his air but still allowing him to speak. Quentin continued to stare him down, not a trace of fear in his eyes. Just fierce determination.  _

_ “You hurt him, you take one more pill, and you can build your body on your own.” _

_ Eliot stared him down, the desire to squeeze tighter coursing through him. He wanted to end him. He wanted him to stop talking. Die, die, DIE! _

 

Eliot jolted awake, his body shooting up in bed and his breathing coming out harsh and erratic. A dull ache settled in his gut and he moaned against the pain of his wound. 

The feeling of his hands around Quentin’s neck wouldn’t go away. The sense of excitement he felt as his slowly squeezed made him nauseous. He quickly looked to his left and found Q fast asleep on the chair beside him, safe and sound. Eliot closed his eyes and fell back against his pillow.  _ He’s okay. Quentin is okay. The Monster is gone and Quentin is okay. It was just a dream.  _

This wasn’t the first nightmare he had since getting his body back but it was definitely the worst one. The others had been vague remnants. Feelings of anger, the surge of his magic, an expression of fear from someone he didn’t recognize, a splash of blood and the feeling of pleasure. Always the same but nothing concrete enough that he understood. It was terrifying but nothing like this.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He knew they were memories of the Monster’s. Logically he knew it wasn’t him doing these things but the dreams, they felt so real. It  _ had been  _ real. His hands did choke Quentin, kill people, hurt his friends. Every dream he had was real. He knew it in his torn up gut.

And this one? This dream? He wanted to kill Quentin. He could still feel the feeling of desire and pleasure while his hands around Q’s throat squeezed and squeezed. He could see Quentin’s face staring him down until he finally released him. 

He was crying now. He felt the tears drip down his cheeks and a sob bubbled up out of him. Eliot hunch in on himself, ignoring the sharp pain that ricocheted through his stomach. Good. He deserved that pain. 

Suddenly there were arms around him, scooping him up into a gentle embrace and tucking his face into their neck. Quentin’s voice quietly whispered to him, “It’s okay. It’s gone. You’re safe now. It’s okay.” 

_ Quentin? Oh god he woke up Quentin with his blubbering,  _ he thought for a moment before deciding he didn’t give a shit. He was just happy he was here. Eliot grabbed hold of his shirt as tightly as he could with his weakened body and cried. It wasn’t okay. He wasn’t okay. But in Quentin’s arms he felt safe, loved. He wanted that feeling to last for as long as he could so he held on tighter, wrapping his arms tightly around Quentin. He responded by tucking him closer to him and whispering softly to him. Q’s fingers carded through his hair as he tried to soothe him.

Eliot wasn’t sure how long had passed but eventually his tears ran out and he felt utterly drained. Still, he refused to let go of Quentin. He shook slightly in his arms and forced himself to ask the question he was dreading. His voice came out muffled, his head being tucked in Quentin’s shoulder still. 

“How many people did I kill?” he asked hoarsely.

“Eliot that wasn’t you,” Quentin said as he lifted his head off his shoulder so he could look at him when he spoke.

Eliot closed his eyes. He couldn’t look at him. He couldn’t see the fear that would inevitably make its way to his eyes. “I remember their faces,'' he said. “I can see the blood and I liked it. How they screamed, cried, the look of fear or surprise on their faces.”

He felt Quentin place his hands on his cheeks. “Look at me, Eliot,”  he demanded. He complied, opening his eyes and looking him in the face. “That. Wasn’t. You. You didn’t do any of those things. The Monster used you; used your body, to do some terrible things but it wasn’t you who did them. You were trapped.”

Eliot didn’t believe him. He’d hurt him. He could feel it. He didn’t mean that. He turned to Quentin and saw fear in his face. “I hurt you, Q. I...I choked you. Threw you against a wall. Tormented you for months. How can you stand to be around me?”

All the fear left Quentin’s face and a look of steeled determination took its place. “Because I know that wasn’t you, El. That was never you. You’d never do that.”

Eliot whined weakly and pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes. He could feel tears forming again. “It feels like it was me. I can’t tell what’s real anymore. I can’t tell what was me and what was the Monster. I don’t-”

“Then ask us. If you’re confused or unsure ask Margo or I. Do you trust us, El?”

“Of course.” They were the only two people in this world and any other that he trusted with his life.

“Then believe us when we tell that those things your seeing, remembering, were not you. This is your body but those are not your memories. You were used. You’re here now and you’re safe. That bastard can never touch again.”

“It’s hard, Q. It’s so hard. You should all hate me. I see how you all look at me sometimes. I hurt you all. You shouldn’t have to be near that. Me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

He was crying again. Fuck. He hated this. 

“Stop that, that’s not true. You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re the victim here El. No one blames you for any of the things the Monster did while it had your body. We got you, El. You’re safe now. Look at me. Tell me you know that.”

“I-I believe you,” he said shakily. He did. He trusted him. Trusted them both with his life. “I believe you, Q.”

“Good. We’re gonna get you through this. You’re gonna be okay.”

Quentin moved to get off the bed but Eliot’s hand reached out and grabbed Quentin’s wrist tightly, desperately. Q settled back down and Eliot pulled him close, ignoring the sharp pain that pulsed in his stomach. The two of them ended up falling into an uneasy sleep together awkwardly on the bed, Eliot nestled against Quentin. He didn’t saying anything more and neither did Quentin and Eliot spent the rest of the night reveling in the feeling of safety and contentment he felt in his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliot's feeling a little antsy and Quentin tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quentin's POV now!

The two of them ended up not speaking about what had happened the night when they shared a bed but sometimes Quentin saw Eliot looking at him like he wanted to say something yet didn’t have to courage to speak it. He understood. Quentin had been doing the same. He promised Alice he would tell Eliot how he felt but every time there was an opportunity to do so he chickened out and ran away. Eliot probably thought the worst of him by now but he couldn’t help it. He was scared of being rejected again. 

So instead of facing his feelings he focused on helping Eliot recover. Eliot continued to have nightmares and when he woke up afraid or confused Quentin or Margo would hold him or talk to him until he calmed down. 

After two weeks in the hospital Eliot was...well he was a nightmare. If they thought he was a handful before, he was a nightmare to deal with now. Eliot felt well enough now to whine about being trapped in bed all day, about the ugly paper gown he was forced to wear all the time. He was healed enough to continually try and escape his hospital room but he wasn’t actually healed enough to leave the hospital quite yet which just continued to frustrate him. 

Quentin and Margo were doing what they could to entertain him but there’s only so much they could do with an Eliot who wasn’t allowed to get out of bed, wasn’t allowed to leave the room, and wasn’t allowed  _ alcohol _ . So Quentin decided that today he’d bring Eliot something to cheer him up. He left Eliot in Margo’s capable hands and went back to the Physical Kids cottage where he had been crashing.

Quentin was walking down the hall back to Eliot’s room, a cup of coffee in hand and a small duffle bag in the other, when he heard a crash and a long string of curse words streaming out of Eliot’s room. Q picked up the pace and threw open the door to Eliot’s room.

He stopped in his tracks seeing the remains of Eliot’s beside lamp all over the floor and Eliot leaning against his bed trying to detangle his iv line which was wrapped around his waist and pulled against his hand.

“Eliot what happened? What are you doing out of bed? Where’s Margo?” Quentin entered the rest of the way and put his coffee cup on the table, being careful to avoid the glass shards on the floor. “Careful, careful! Let me help. Watch where you step, there’s glass everywhere.”

Quentin gently took the IV line out of Eliot’s hands and detangled it, laying it softly on the bed. Then he put a hand on Eliot’s back and guided him to sit on the bed. “Are you alright? Did you step on any of the glass?”

Eliot shook his head no but didn’t say anything. Quentin began to carefully pick up the larger pieces of glass, depositing them in the waist basket before going out into the hall and asking for a broom and dust pan. Quentin swept up ever piece of the lamp and threw it away while Eliot sat there on the bed watching him silently. 

When he was done he sat down next to Eliot. “El?”

“....I can’t take it anymore, Q. I need to get out of here. I’m going crazy.”

“I get it, El, I do. But you’re still healing. You need to take it easy.”

“Quentin if I don’t get out of this room soon I can not be held responsible for what I do.”

“Okay. What if I ask the nurse if we can take a walk outside or something. Oh! I brought you something that might make you feel better.” He hopped off the bed and picked up the bag he had forgotten about on the floor. He handed it to Eliot with a smile.

Eliot looked at him quizzically before unzipping the duffel. His face broke into a huge smile as he started pulling out several pieces of his wardrobe. A simple white cotton polo shirt, a pair of black pants (one of the only pairs that were not skin tight), his dark blue and red Brakebills cardigan, and a pair of his slippers to wear instead of the hospital ones. 

“I thought wearing some of your own stuff might help. I tried to find something that would be comfortable but your clothes aren’t the most conducive for that are they. This was pretty much the only option. I thought your waistcoats and ties would be too tight and restrictive with a stomach wound and that the sweater would help keep you warm and comfortable. Besides, Lipson might actually kill me if I let you try to wear anything else with your wound.”

“This is perfect, Q. Thank you.” 

The smile Eliot gave him just then made Quentin’s heart soar. He blushed and quickly turned away before Eliot noticed. 

Eliot stood up and, before Quentin could stop him, attempted to remove the hospital gown he had on but raising his arms to pull it off himself pulled at his stitches. He groaned and quickly lowered his arms. He pressed a hand to his stomach and moaned quietly. Once the pain died back down he hesitantly turned to Quentin and asked, “Can you, uh. Can you help me?”

“Oh. Su-sure.” 

Quentin helped Eliot out of the gown and into his shirt with relatively little pain on Eliot’s end. Getting him into the pants was a bit trickier. Eliot couldn’t bend down so they ended up having to do it in stages where Eliot first sat on the bed so they could get his legs into the pants. Then Quentin helped him stand which is when Eliot swayed a bit and grabbed onto Q’s shoulder as a rush of dizziness hitting him. Finally, after much awkwardness and careful contorting, Eliot was out of the hospital clothes and into his own.

Eliot sat on the edge of the bed, slightly out of breath from the ordeal. He kept a hand on his stomach and his face a bit paler than when Quentin walked into the room earlier.   _ Maybe that walk should wait _ .

“No. I’m okay.” 

_ Crap did I say that out loud? _

“Get me out of here, Q. Please. Even if it’s just a few minutes. I need to something other than these stupid, horribly colored walls.”

“Okay, okay. Maybe just a short walk though. I don’t want you to over do it. Actually, uh, hang on.” Quentin left the room briefly and returned with one of the wheelchairs that the nurses kept for patients to use on request and wheeled it in front of Eliot.

Eliot stared at the thing in horror. “No. I’m not using that.”

“El, if you don’t sit in the chair, we’re not going anywhere. You can barely stand. How do you think you’re gonna make it down the hall let alone outside?”

“Nnnnn fine. God, how embarrassing. Can’t walk by myself, can even dress myself. Fucking embarrassing,” Eliot said as he sat down with a bit of Q’s help.

The two of them go outside for some fresh air which lifts Eliot’s spirits a bit. They stop and sit together in the garden.

“So where’s Margo? She was with you when I left.”

“Something was going on at the apartment I guess. Said she be back later.”

“Huh okay then. 

An awkward stretch of silence fell over them.

“Professor Lipson says you if she’s happy with your progress in a few days you might be able to get out here. You could either go back to the the Physical Kids cottage or Kady says you’re more than welcome to go to the apartment. It’s nice there. We’ve all been kinda crashing there for a bit. I think 23 and Julia have taken up residence there permanently. Kady too cause it’s kinda her apartment now. Margo and Josh are there too. Well Margo is kind of staying at both places I think.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Me? Um...at the..at the cottage. It was closer to the hospital and no one is there for the summer so I kind of just ended up staying there.”

“Well then. I’d love to join you at the cottage. It’ll be like old times.” 

“Yeah but maybe, hopefully without all the danger and weirdness.”

“That would be nice, yes.” Eliot paused and silence fell once again. A soft breeze blew ruffling Eliot’s hair. He brushed a stray strand away and broke the silence between them. “Okay. Tell me a story, Q. Catch me up on the drama. Margo has been telling me some stuff about Fillory but I want to hear about what you’ve been up to.”

“It’s a bit of a long story.”

“Q I’ve been trapped in my own head for months with nothing but mine and the Monster’s memories to entertain me. Indulge me. Catch me up on the hot gossip. When not being threatened by the murderous god inside my body what were you doing?”

“Uh, well. I was pretty focused on finding a way to get you back really.”

“Mmhmm and I appreciate that more than you could know but please, Quentin, tell me  _ something. _ Tell me about the dragon again. I’m afraid I dozed off in the middle of your story last time.”

So Quentin told him story after story. Things that occurred while he was gone. About the dragon and Poppy, how Kady got the apartment, the mummy.

“Wow. I really did miss all the fun.”

“It wasn’t as fun as it sounds.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I wish I could have helped you guys out. I wish i could have been there for you. Especially when your dad died. I’m so sorry about that by way.”

“It’s okay. It still hurts but...I’ll be okay. And you did help us. You managed to tell Penny that he was building a body for his sister. And you took back control and told me you were alive. I thought...I thought you were dead. It told me you were dead. We were about to... How did you do that anyway? How’d you get break free?”

“Hmm? Oh that. Well…I was sort of trapped in this mind palace/happy place sort of thing in my mind. It was the Physical Kids Cottage actually. Didn’t even realize what was going on at first. Then Charlton showed up.”

“Charlton?”

“The Monster’s previous host.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah so he told me there was a door to the outside world hidden somewhere in my worst memory. So I spent a truly horrid time reliving all my most traumatic memories looking for the stupid door. Took a while but I found it…” Eliot paused looking off into the distance. He looked like he was trying to decide to something or not. He must have decided against it because he changed the subject.

“More on that some other time, I think. I’m getting kind of tired. Escort me back to my chambers please, Quentin dear?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Of course. Sorry. I shouldn’t have kept you out here so long,” Quentin said as he rose and took hold of the wheelchair once more.

“Nothing for you to apologize for Q. All’s well.”

Quentin rolled him back inside and helped get him settled back in bed. Eliot was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Quentin looked down at Eliot as he slumbered peacefully and felt like a fool. He had the perfect opportunity to talk to Eliot, to tell him how he felt, and once again he chickened out. Why was this so hard to do? What was he so afraid of?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Margo has had enough and does something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Eliot's POV now.

A few more days passed by before Eliot was able to leave the hospital for good. Professor Lipson had agreed to allow him to leave the hospital as long as he wouldn’t over exert himself and had someone around to keep an eye on him. Both Quentin and Margo were quick to agree to her terms and they even convinced Penny to travel the three of them to the cottage so it would be easier for Eliot. Penny took Eliot straight from his hospital bed to his old room without any problems.

He’d been doing so much better than he had a couple of weeks ago. The nightmares had gone away (for the most part) and he no longer hurt every time he breathed. It was still difficult for him to walk around without help but the pain had considerably died down. He had taken to relaxing on the couch in the cottage rather than sleeping the day away upstairs in his room.

Eliot was currently draped casually over Margo on the couch. Eliot’s head rested on Margo’s lap while his legs dangled over the opposite end of the couch. A blanket was covering his lower body and Margo was gently running her fingers through his hair. His cane, a gift from Margo, leaned against the coffee table close by. Just in case he needed it.

Quentin came into the room with an announcement that there was going to be a group bonfire in the backyard this evening.

“A bonfire?” Eliot asked.

“Yeah. Julia brought it up earlier when I was at the apartment and I thought it might be fun. A way for everyone to relax after everything that’s happened. Alice sounded interested too. Kady kind of just smirked at me when I asked her but I think it was a yes and Penny said no until Julia hit him. Josh is bringing all the fixings for smores. It’ll just be in the backyard so it’s not too far for you to walk El. What-what do you think?”

Eliot and Margo looked at each other and smiled. “I like smores.” Eliot said.

Margo grinned widely. “I’ll bring the booze.”

“Great! Okay so I’m gonna go pick up a few things for tonight then.” Quentin left the room, content in his new mission of the day.

Eliot felt Margo run her fingers through his hair. He sighed as he felt it relax him and he closed his eyes in contentment. He was on the verge of falling asleep when Margo thumped him on the forehead.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“No going to sleep yet,” she said.

Eliot looked up at her curiously, “Something wrong, Bambi?”

“You haven’t talked to him about how you feel yet have you?”

Eliot shifted in her lap and tried to avoid her penetrating gaze.“I’m not sure I understand your meaning, Bambi,” he replied.

“You know what I’m talking about. Stop being such a coward and tell Quentin how you feel already. If you continue to avoid it, he’s gonna think you hate him or something.”

Eliot sighed and sat up, swinging his legs slowly back down onto the floor. “I want to talk to Quentin about it, I do, but everytime I come close to working up the courage I freak out and either say something stupid or the moment passes before I can. Plus I kind of wanted to not be in that horrendous hospital gown when I confessed my undying love. It would kind of ruin the moment.”

“Well your not in the hospital anymore. So what’s your excuse?”

“I’m just…” Margo glared at him before he could come up with yet another lame excuse. “Okay, jeez, fuck. I’m scared okay. ”

“Of what?”

Of what. That was the question wasn’t it. What was Eliot so afraid of? The opportunity to tell Quentin how he felt had come up more than a couple of times and yet any time that happened he found some excuse to leave or change the subject. So yeah he was was afraid. Afraid that Quentin would reject him. Afraid that he wouldn’t feel the same way. Afraid that he’d just end up hurting Quentin like he hurts everyone he’s close to. He wasn’t sure if he could do it. So he had kept quiet and continued to enjoy having him close. But maybe Margo was right. Maybe he was just being an idiot.

“The thing is,” he said quietly. “...I love him, Margo. And I know it’s not just memories of the mosaic clouding my mind. I love Quentin. I think I have for a while now and I don’t...I don't know where we stand with each other anymore. I haven’t known since that day and I can't - I don't think I-.” Eliot sighed, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

Margo looked at him and a moment passed before she sighed and relaxed. She took Eliot’’s hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Eliot. I know you’re scared but you picked a good one. Q’s someone you can risk your heart on. Don’t do what you always do. Don’t run away because your scared. You can do this. Just tell him how you feel. Trust me on this. Turns out feelings aren’t so bad and for what it’s worth I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Eliot looked at her for a moment. She stared him down, determined to get through to him once and for all. Eventually Eliot sighed again and nodded, “Okay, okay. You’re right. I’ll talk to him.”

“Today.”

“Fine! I’ll talk to him today.”

“Good. Now come back here and relax before you pop a stitch being a drama queen,” Margo said reaching out for him to lay back down on the couch with her. Eliot smiled and happily laid back down curling into her happily.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that evening the group of weary questers were gathered around a warm campfire on the lawn behind the Physical Kids cottage. For the first time in a long while the mood was serene. Light chatter drifted through the air as the group enjoyed their moment of peace and the fact that everyone was together and safe. Josh handed out marshmallow roasting sticks to everyone along with a handful of marshmallows and now several of them were making smores.

Eliot leaned lightly against Margo. He relaxed at just having her near him after so long being apart. Eliot let his gaze drift towards Quentin who was seated across from him on the other side of the fire. The marshmallow Quentin was roasting suddenly caught fire and he frantically pulled it out, blowing on it to quell the flames. Julia, sitting next to him, laughed at his disappointed expression and traded his marshmallow for hers which was perfect golden brown. Not like Quentin’s charred black mess on a stick. He smiled and thanked her before putting together a s'more to eat.

Eliot chuckled. It had been so long since he felt this relaxed, since he’d seen Quentin so relaxed. It was nice. Seeing Quentin smiling like this made him want to do everything in his power to keep that smile on his face forever.

Eliot closed his eyes and let the sounds and feelings of the world around him wash over him. He was unsure of how much time had passed when Quentin’s voice pulled him out of his stupor.

“Here,” Quentin said. He was standing in front of Eliot while holding a s’more out to him. “For you. I haven’t seen you eat one yet. I made this one for you.”

Eliot blinked in surprise and took the s’more from him. “Thanks, Q,” Eliot said. He looked down at the graham cracker, chocolate, and marshmallow treat in his hands. Quentin made it for him. He’d been watching him? Like he’d been watching Q?

“Everything okay?” Eliot looked up to see Quentin staring at him, a hint of worry peppering his voice.

Eliot took a breath and rubbed his thumb over the graham cracker nervously. “Q, can I talk to you for a minute? Privately?”

“Huh? Yeah, sure El.”

Eliot handed his s’more to Margo and squeezed her hand once, for courage, before standing up. Margo shot him a look of approval and took a bite out of the s’more as he grabbed his cane and lead Quentin towards a slightly more secluded spot, away from the campfire.

Once they were both alone Eliot felt some of his earlier courage begin to slip away but when he looked at Quentin’s expectant happy face he knew he could do this. He had to do this. Taking a deep breath he spoke. “Q, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you but the moment hasn’t been right and honestly? I was too scared to. But I’m done being scared. So here it goes.” He paused and took another deep breath. “Do you remember back in the hospital when I told you about the door I had to find?”

Quentin nodded.

“Well I had to find the right memory. The door was supposed to be in the memory I thought the least about because I didn’t want to. Forgotten remembrance he called it. I went through all my worst, most repressed memories and nothing. Until…” Eliot took another deep breath, “Q, the memory I had to face was the day we remembered the mosaic and I turned you down when you asked me out.”

“Wait,” Quentin interrupted. “Before you say anything more I want to say something first.”

“Quentin please I need to say this.”

“No wait. I just...I-I...I love you. I love you. Now I know you don't feel the same way-”

“Q-”

“And that’s okay. I understand. I just needed to say it-”

“Quentin-”

“Because I almost lost you. And the thought of something happening to you….. I would never have forgiven myself if you had died and I had never told you how I felt so I’m saying it now.”

“Q!”

Quentin stopped talking, stunned into silence.

“I love you too.”

“What? Wait. What? But I thought...”

“I know. I know what you thought and I'm sorry about that. I’m so, so sorry. Last time, when you asked me out...I...I was scared. I was scared that I would fuck it up like I fuck up everything so I ran. I ran away from you. From us. And I hurt you. But I don't want to run anymore. I want to try and be brave. With you. Because you make me a better person Q. You make me brave.”

“Eliot…”

“That’s what I wanted to say to you. That’s what I’ve been too afraid to say until Margo knocked some sense into me. I love you Quentin Coldwater. And I know I have no right to ask this but can we...can we try again?”

Quentin stared at Eliot in shock before grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket, pulling him close, and smashing his lips to Eliots.

When they broke apart they were both out of breath and smiling. “So is that a yes?”

“Of course that’s a yes, you idiot.”

“Oh good cause that would have been awkward if the answer had been no.”

Margo’s voice interrupted them both, “Did you two finally talk about your feelings like adults?”

“Yes, Bambi,” Eliot shouted back not taking his eyes off of Quentin’s. The two of them were both smiling at each other completely lost in each other.

“Good,” Margo replied. “Julia, it worked!” she said returning to the fire pit.

Eliot tucked a stray piece of Quentin’s hair behind his ear and chuckled. “You don’t think she and Julia planned this bonfire just to get us to talk about our feelings do you?”

“Well considering the fact that Julia cornered me in the kitchen earlier today and told me I was an idiot for not telling you how felt yet before telling me about the bonfire? I think they might have yes.”

“Hmm,” he said, leaning in close. “We should thank them later.”

Quentin tilted his head and smiled. He leaned in close so that their noses touched and said, “Agreed” before kissing him soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in posting!! I never meant to go so long without updating it's just that I re-read the chapter before posting and realized I didn't like a lot of it so I decided to re-write it all. Then when I got started with the re-write life got a bit shitty and sucked all the creative energy out of me resulting in me not writing anything for several weeks. I'm still in not the best place as the situation is ongoing but I managed to finish the chapter and have it turn out to be something I liked. The rest of the story is complete and ready to post so hopefully the wait for the final chapter won't be as long. Thanks for your patience! I hope you like it! I hope it was worth the wait and angst!


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it! The end of the story! This chapter was actually the first thing I wrote for this story oddly enough. I hope you all enjoyed it!! I was super nervous about posting this story, it being my first big multichaptered fic, but it was fun to write and I'm so happy I managed to get it all done :D Thanks for reading!!!

Quentin and Eliot had retreated to cottage after their...conversation by the campfire. After everything they’d both been through they just wanted to be alone together. The two of them were now cuddled up together on Eliot’s bed. Or at least they’ve been trying to cuddle. Eliot was still hurting from his injury which made finding a comfortable position rather difficult. Each time he tried to curl up against Quentin a spasm of pain stopped him in his tracks. 

Eliot groaned in frustration and flopped down on his back, one hand pressed to his stomach. Quentin rolled over onto his side and wrapped an arm across Eliot’s chest, snuggling into his side. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“It’s okay, El. Just take it easy. You’re still healing.”

“I’m tired of healing. It’s been weeks. I just want to be back to normal. I finally have you to myself and I can’t even cuddle with you without my stomach feeling like it’s being eaten by tiny fire ants. It’s not fair.”

Quentin trailed his hand along Eliot’s arms hoping to soothe him. “I know but this is okay for now. Just being together is okay. So relax.”

Eliot sighed, laid a hand on Quentin’s arm, the one laying across his chest, and pressed his nose into Quentin’s hair. “Hmm I suppose this is kind of nice.”

They laid together in silence for a minute before Quentin spoke up quietly. “Ya know I was thinking…”   
  
“That’s a dangerous past time for you.”   
  
“Hey.”

Eliot laughed, trailing his fingers along Quentin’s arm. “Sorry, sorry. Go on.” 

“I was thinking maybe...we could take a break.”

Eliot’s hand stopped moving and his smile faded in an instant. He looked at Quentin with fear. Quentin quickly backtracked seeing his distraught face. “No, no no! Not like that! I meant a break from the monsters and the battles and the danger and the saving the world. For a while. We could just...be together...without having to worry that one of us is going to be hurt or worse... What do you think?”   
  
Eliot relaxed and pressed closer to Quentin again. “I think a break like that sounds like a lovely idea.”   
  
“Really? You do? And ya know Margo could come too.”   
  
“That's sweet, Q and I'm sure she'd love to but I think she's pretty adamant about regaining her crown at the moment.”   
  
“What happened there anyway?”   
  
“She said Fen led an uprising and banished her but that it was all totally on purpose and that she knew about it all. Faked it so she could go get the axes.”   
  
“She lost her crown getting the axes?”   
  
“...Yeah. She did it for me.”   
  
“And she’d do it again. You’re more important than anything, Eliot.” Quentin kissed him lightly on the lips. “Okay well I guess we could go to Fillory with her. See it when we’re not running from monsters for a change. Just as long as we’re together, I’m good.”   
  
“As much as I appreciate the thought, I don't much care to go back into the Fillorian nut house right now. How about we go someplace like Italy or Paris.”   
  
“Paris would be nice. Never been to Paris. I don't speak French though. That might cause a problem. I can speak six different languages but I can't speak French. Can you speak French?”   
  
“Oui. Je peux parle francais tres bien, mon petit chou.”   
  
“Huh?”   
  
“Yes, Quentin. I can speak French.”   
  
“Oh. Good. That's good. So Paris, then? When you're feeling better of course. You still have a ways to go.”   
  
“Hmm. I thinks that’s a good idea.” Eliot said yawning.   
  
“You okay?”   
  
“I'm just a bit tired. Today was great but it was kind of exhausting.”   
  
“Then maybe you should stop talking and go to sleep.”

Eliot smiled at Quentin. “Spoon me?” he asked. 

Quentin chuckled and carefully shifted in bed so that he was completely curled around Eliot. Eliot smiled and snuggled close, his head turned to rest on Quentin’s chest. The movement pulled on his still healing stitches and he winced slightly. Quentin wrapped his arms around Eliot a bit more and his warmth chased away the pain away. 

“This okay?” Quentin asked quietly.

“Perfect,” Eliot hummed. “I love you, Quentin Coldwater,” he sighed, being lulled to sleep by the rising and falling of Quentin’s chest.

“I love you too, El,” Quentin said to Eliot’s sleeping form.

**Author's Note:**

> This was cathartic for me. I don’t know if anyone else will like this but I hope someone enjoys it. I’ve never written anything this long before and struggled with an actual plot. I’m used to just writing scenes. I hope it’s okay and I hope everyone is at least close to in character.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! Please be kind!


End file.
